Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Randomize
