I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
