there was a trapeze. enough said
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
