Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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