I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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