I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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