So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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