bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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