I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
