On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Dignity is for republicans.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
