I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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