Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
you would pick up someone in the library
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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