he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
