Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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