So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
