the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
