Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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