I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Randomize
