____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
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