Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
soo... how was my night?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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