Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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