the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
So apparently I’m into choking now
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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