My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
