First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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