a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
