You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
