Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
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