My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
