I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
