So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
