***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
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