He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
