My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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