Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
