I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Shame is for Republicans.
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