Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
