you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
