We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Randomize
