I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
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