Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
only you would photoshop your dick
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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