I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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