there's paper in my vomit.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
