dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
