the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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