So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
