i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
