Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
