I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
zippers are such a cool invention
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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