Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
