Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
